Nervous!

My countdown til the baby's arrival has down turned to counting down in days instead of months. I have 47 days til this baby is "due," which means I could have him in just over 30 days if I am early! That's crazy! I have so much left to do to get the house ready, get my mind ready, and stop being so scared of the who birthing concept!

Much of my nervousness is stemming from possible complications in the form of a blood clot, potential c-section resulting from my induction, and yes, I am even scared that I won't make it out of the hospital. Some of my fears are justified, some not. I know that God is in control and whatever is meant to happen will. It doesn't console me as much as I would like, because I know that He might want me go to heaven instead of home with my husband and baby. That terrifies me that I may not get to be a mother to my child. Praying that this fear will leave me since it won't help any when I am in labor and needing to focus!

Fears and excitement both lay heavy on my mind as each day draws closer to my lil guy arriving. I am believing that all of that fear will be overcome with hormones after I get to hold him for the first time. So much is on my mind of things to get done and how to prepare to be a mom. I know that I can't be completely prepared, no one really is for this amazing blessing. BUT... me being someone who is super organized and likes to have things planned, has a hard time accepting that the labor, delivery, etc can't be planned to the T on my part. I think I will need to be distracted to focus. That sounds odd, but it makes sense to me!

On Thursday this week, I am now starting the routine of ultrasounds at every appointment from now til the end of the pregnancy. I am so nervous that the dr will say, oops, I was wrong, it's a girl and not a boy. I will love my child no matter which gender, but since I have been collecting only boy things, that change in prediction will put a wrench in things. Lucky for me, I have a couple people whom I can buy their girl clothes from, but that doesn't change the fact that I will have to spend more money on acquiring girl things! We shall see what Thursday brings!!